I could have clipped and saved and planted in the garden
2005-03-13 - 5:36 pm
Oh, it's is tough. I've come to think of my life in terms of brief, engaging comments to post on my livejournal. Now I have no outlet for them. I'll have no record of this week. Years from now it will be an empty space in my history.
I have been pondering the way I view my life. I've mentioned in the past that milestones don't mean much to me. Anniversaries, holidays, ways of marking time, I just don't care about them. One day is much like another. I also have some trouble remembering events in my life. I have an excellent semantic memory - for things I learn, but my own past is a kind of vague outline. I experience and remember my life as a series of moments. I remember how I felt this morning, what I was doing, what I intended. I know my current state. There is no sense of connection, of a transition from one to the next. A consequence of this, or perhaps part of its cause, is that I don't remember the order in which things happen.
A few memories have as part of their substance important identifying markers. Other, smaller incidents; conversations, television shows, mini-memories that aren't part of larger experiences, are simply isolated scenes floating with a lifetime of other scenes. I can't put them back together into a linear whole.
I wonder if this is related to the way I feel I dwell on the past so much. Without a sense of an orderly progression from one way of being to another, I am either in a moment or not. When I recall a memory of an emotion or situation, lacking a transition from the memory to my present, I slip back into it.
Perhaps I am just full of shit, and lots of other people remember things the same way I do.
In more mundane matters, I have decided it would be funny to make a mix CD of breakup songs for braveheart. Ever since I began using iTunes I have been having a lot of fun making custom playlists and mix CDs. The program that I used to use was terrible for making playlists.
At some point tonight I should do things like work on my midterm essay exam for sociology, or finish glazing my pots for ceramics. Eh.